


You Know What? Fuck Pigeons

by explodingviolently



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self-Aware
Genre: M/M, wwww AGAIN?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24492424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/explodingviolently/pseuds/explodingviolently
Summary: After the events of Black Mesa, everyone knows how it goes. Chuck E. Cheese's, bonding, yada yada, domestic life. For the most part...
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Tommy Coolatta/Darnold
Comments: 35
Kudos: 207





	1. Time Paradoxes, Pigeons, and that one guy... what was his name? Barney?

“Good news, Gordon! My organ failure is imminent!”

  
Dr. Coomer was splayed out in a puddle of blood. Not his blood, of course. Could he bleed? Not important. The aforementioned scientist, Gordon, was standing by his feet, an unreadable expression on his face.

  
“I thought you said-I fucking. I thought we weren’t experimenting on the pigeons!?”

  
“Gordon, I don’t believe we can call that a pigeon anymore!”

  
The ‘pigeon’ being referred to was more akin to some sort of science experiment and was currently wreaking havoc across the entirety of the room they were in. The bird was long, roughly the size of a human arm, though it only reached the height of Gordon’s ankle. Despite that fact, it was determined on doing as much damage as it possibly could. It’s feathers were shiny and hard, and whatever bullets they shot at it only bounced off. It’s only weak spots were its eyes and disturbingly human legs, which bent at an almost unnatural angle. It had eye stalks that reached up to Gordon’s knee, and the motherfucker never blinked, not even when they shot it. The worst part? The worst part was that the bird had teeth. Human teeth (and many rows of them) that it kept using to try and bite anything that moved with. And it’s gaze was entirely focused on Benry.

  
“Why the fuck did you have to keep killing all those-those fucking birds!!” Gordon whipped around to the confused looking security guard, having to crane his neck to look down at him.

  
“huh?”

  
He grabbed Benry’s shoulders, shaking him like a ragdoll.

  
“Those pigeons didn’t have to die! This-this guy is pissed! He’s fucked up and he’s… obviously got a thing for you going!”

  
“no i think. i think hes pissed at you man. look at him. his wings are…. balled hes looking right at you.”

  
“You can’t fucking ball wings!!”

  
“we talkin about balls..?”

  
“Oh my god.”

  
“you gonna do anything about that?” He gestured to the ‘bird’, which was currently trying to eat Bubby alive.

  
“Where did this thing even come from!?”

  
Tommy raised a hand, the other grasping onto a large gun that he found god-knows-where.  
“Um, Mr-Mr. Freeman, I think that’s-probably from the bird department…”  
“Since when has Black Mesa had a bird department?”

  
“Since we… got that shipment of-of birds.”

  
“Birds? No-why did we need them in the first place?”

  
“For the uhm. For the department.” Tommy fired a round into the beast. “I think we should-call this one Diet Sprite! Because it sucks… :(“

  
Gordon let go of Benry for a moment, and he latched right back onto him when Diet Sprite opened its mouth and fired a barrage of lasers in their direction.  
“WHY THE FUCK CAN THE BIRD FIRE LASERS!?”

  
“bro careful this-this looks kinda gay…”

  
Gordon scowled at him.  
“This-this is a pre-established fucking…. Pre-established relationship…”

  
“i drew a pic of us kissing wanna see.”

  
“MAYBE LATER!?”

  
“bro dont yell remember deep breaths kiss me directly on the lips also the-the fucking penis bird is literally like about to kill you on the ass-”

  
“THIS IS WORSE THAN THE TUBE!” Bubby shrieked down at the two of them, slapping Diet Sprite in the eye.

  
“God-OKAY just-just. OKAY!” Gordon shouted, splaying his hands out. He began the weird and uncomfortable process of reloading his… fingernail gun. “Just-everyone shut up! Okay! Can-can we just-” He yelped, falling back on his ass again….

  
And onto a sofa recliner.

  
“Oh for fuck’s sake. Not-” He pulled his glasses off, rubbing at his eyes. He was splayed out on the recliner, the rest of the team, equally as disoriented, was ‘lounging’ across the room. The room they were in was… domestic, to be succinct. A small apartment building, with a few couches and lounge chairs and a T.V. And an upstairs, because obviously whoever owned this apartment was rich. They had been stuck here for… god knows how long. Ever since that birthday back at Chuck E. Cheese’s. Gordon had thought, maybe, had been hoping things would be normal once they left Black Mesa.

  
And to be fair, whoever created this place was going for normal. It looked uncomfortably like the apartment from Friends, only there was stark-fucking nothing outside. Literally nothing. When Gordon had woken up here the first time, his first thought was that Tommy’s dad… G-Man was it? That he’d dropped them all off at some kind of luxurious apartment.He’d been pretty groggy, so his first thought was to just head home and maybe get a shower. When he stepped out the first time, though…. he’d rather not do that again.

Of course, there had been multiple attempts to escape. Most of which lead to someone getting asbestos poisoning. Every so often, the gang would be transported into some sort of alternate reality. Some were just about as domestic as the apartment, some were more sci-fi high stakes adventure scenarios, and some were just plain odd. Every time he’d asked Coomer about this, he rambled on for hours about ‘fan-created content’. Sometimes the bizarre mini-adventures would be wrapped up in one sitting, some would go on for days, and some would just… stop without a proper ending.

  
“Is-is everyone… uhn… still alive?” He sat up, rubbing his temples.

  
“Gordon, I think it’s only fair to warn you that none of us can die!” Coomer chirped, sitting up and pulling Bubby with him.

  
“Right-yeah that’s… right-” He waved Coomer off, still trying to ride off his headache. He was right, too. No matter how many times someone got killed off in one of these little adventures, no matter how real it felt, they were eventually just shot back here without a scratch on them. Benry interrupted the two of them, groaning and sliding off the couch.

  
“bro-shits fucked up i think we need therapy dude-” Gordon shot him a sideways glance.

  
“I-think we probably need more than that.”

  
“huh?”

  
“What?”

  
“whuh.”

  
Benry was an interesting topic. Ever since the whole escape from Black Mesa, he’d been far clingier than he ever was. A lot more… vocal, too. That might have been because he finally escaped his code, maybe, or because on what’s probably hundreds of these little adventures, Benry had poured his feelings out again and again. It’s pretty hard to keep your walls up if the universe keeps pulling them down again.

Of course, he still put everyone through his insufferable act, and on occasion would ask the entire household to present him with their passports. Both instances were especially seen right now, with Benry flopping onto Gordon’s lap and making dumb kissy-faces up at him.

  
“Hi.” He sighed, putting a hand on Benry’s head. In response, he shut his eyes and leaned forward.

  
“Fuck this shit.” Bubby interjects. “I want to go back in my tube!”

  
“My dear Bubbert, I must ask that you watch your language in front of the young lad!” Coomer put a hand on the scientist’s shoulder, gesturing at Gordon.

  
“Bubby.” Bubby replied, facing Coomer again.

  
“Bobby!”

  
“Bubby.”

  
“Bumbly!”

  
“Bubby.”

  
“Bipple?”

  
They both went silent, momentarily, as a large, suspiciously bird-looking talon phased through the floor, and eventually dipped back down and clipped into the wall.

  
“Bubby.”

  
“Bungus.”

  
“Bepsi!” Tommy chimed in.

  
“bastard.” Benry sat up slightly, nudging Gordon’s hand. Speaking of the aforementioned hand, it had begun to flicker and phase out, Back to the Future style.

  
“Uh. Guys?” He flipped it in a kind of ‘is-he-you-know’ fashion, removing it from Benry’s head (much to his disappointment).

  
“aw shit bro that-thats not good man we goin to space?”

  
“Gordon, for 300 PlayCoins™ I can remove you from this living Hell!”

  
“That’s-great Mr. Coomer but I think it’s a little late for that.”

  
Quickly and without warning, they were blinked out of the apartment.


	2. Everybody Loves Gordon

Gordon squinted, blinking a few times to try and adjust to the sudden change of scenery. There were…. Lights. Everywhere. All trained on his face. He had to screw up his face to see, but even then there wasn’t much that made sense. As his eyes adjusted, his surroundings came into view. He was… situated in a kitchen. Kind of. 

There were only three walls, the fourth replaced with a row the earlier mentioned blinding lights. Directly next to him was a living room, decked with a couch and a T.V., and a short, sparsely decorated coffee table between the two. Benry was sitting on the couch grasping an X-Box controller, looking equally confused. Rather than his usual attire, he was outfitted in a dark blue hoodie and a pair of grody looking boxers. He realized Benry was staring at his chest, and he looked down to see an apron printed with “Experiment on the Chef!” sprawled across it in light cursive. He was about to open his mouth and start either asking questions or screaming, when the lights dimmed and a few chords of cheery music blared overhead. Gordon was left holding a wooden spoon over a bowl of yeast, looking even more uncomfortable than he ever had. The front door, or so it was labelled, of the house, was quickly slammed open. 

“Hello, Gordon! It’s us, your wacky neighbors Dr. Coomer and Bubby!” Coomer, clad in a hawaiian shirt and lab coat (a good look for him) was standing on the other side, arms linked with a pouting Bubby to raucous applause from… somewhere. 

“Coomer…” He chided. “You told me we were going to the science fair!” Gordon spun around as a booming laugh track echoed from behind his missing fourth wall. 

“Ah, well! Gordon, I hope you're well! I know how you get with cooking!” 

“Unh-I-” He’d meant to ask Coomer for help, or at least make a single coherent statement, but all that had come out was “Aw, you know me well, Coomer old boy!” 

“yo you guys got… video games…?” Judging from the expression on Benry’s face, that was not his intended statement either. It was also met with another chorus of laughs. Gordon groaned, internally, beginning to sweat under the heavy glare of the cameras. 

_ Fuck _ , he thought.  _ A  _ fucking  _ sitcom _ . 

“Oh, Benry! You kids and your new-fangled video games!” Coomer waved him off, beaming down in his direction. Benry grimaced, trailing his way to Gordon’s side. He put his head on his shoulder, and spoke as quietly as he could. Which, to be fair, was still quite loud. 

“what the fuck bro.” 

_ Oh, so  _ he  _ can talk?  _

“dont worry i dont have a plan.” 

_ Wonderful.  _

“man my jokes are terrible here my jokes are way better than this.” 

_ I love you, but they absolutely are not.  _

“its cool dude we just-we just gotta ride it out man this-”

“Gordon, my boy!” Coomer started him with a slap on the arm. 

“Ow?” 

“Sorry about that, Gordon! Don’t know my own strength!” He lifted an arm, and the audience responded with a chorus of hooting and whistles. 

_ Who the fuck is in the audience!?  _

Before he could think too hard about that, Tommy bounded down a flight of stairs with a little toy poodle that  _ had _ to be Sunkist. He tripped a few times (who would ever put that god awful carpeting on stairs?) before reaching the bottom and letting his dog loose. 

“Hi Mr. Freeman!” He waved. Gordon waved back, trying to hold down the inevitable one-liner that he was bound to let out. He wasn’t too successful. 

“Whose-ugh. Who's walking who?” He gestured to Sunkist tugging Tommy around on his leash. Benry shook his head at that, levelling a disappointed look at Gordon. 

\--- 

An hour. They sat through that nightmare for an hour. An hour of lame quips, shitty jokes, and skewed life lessons. Gordon had to assume he was the B plot, considering that his character arc revolved around... something about corn bread. Coomer and Bubby, however, had to learn some kind of lesson about not violently attacking their neighbors. Responsibility or something. But, eventually, as always, they were flicked back to the ritzy apartment. Not without serious tolls on all of their collective mental healths. 

“I…” Gordon managed to pant out. “I hate-I hate it here. I’m-never watching television again.” He edged himself shakily back up into the leather armchair, shuddering. Benry blew out a few orbs of Sweet Voice, before collapsing on the carpet. Coomer and Bubby were limp, slouched over one another on the couch. 

“Did you see that Mr. Freeman? They-shrank Sunkist!” Tommy was currently latched onto the big… jpeg-ish… dog, arms firmly clasped around it’s collar. 

“Yeah, that really doesn’t… sound too hot.” The unmistakable sound of a drink being slurped from a disproportionately long silly straw came from inside the kitchen, accompanied by a new set of footsteps. “You guys okay?” 

Gordon perked up, squinting. “Darnold?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is driving me wild I hate writing but I love it because I do no I don't <3 Anyway! Here's an obligatory sitcom chapter because I guess I just enjoy making the FUN HAPPEN!!


	3. Soda is pretty high in sugar, Darnold...

Gordon shook his head like an Etch-a-Sketch, trying to clear it. 

“Darnold? Pardon my french but-how the FUCK did you get here?” He inched towards the shorter man, slowly, as if he might be volatile. 

“Okay, well, first of all, that wasn’t even French. You’re pretty dumb for like, a scientist, you know.” 

“I-no, listen-”

“The man’s right, Gordon! It’s not even a little French!” Coomer butted in, hoisting Bubby up like a limp sack of potatoes. 

“We are GETTING… off TOPIC!” Gordon sighed, thankful that Benry was passed out, or he may have to deal with this situation times 2. “Okay. Darnold. _How_ are you here?” 

“Well, I just…. Uh… came in through the door.” He lifted his silly straw from his drink, pointing it at the semi-ajar door. Without waiting for more of an explanation, Gordon scrambled for the door, flinging it open. 

“I- _UH-?”_ With the lack of traction, he slipped on the doormat and found himself hurdling forwards, only caught on the collar of his H.E.V. suit before he could end up plummeting into the empty void. He shuddered involuntarily, looking back. Benry was sipping a Diet Sprite, keeping a death grip on the back of his suit. 

“sup man.”

“Aw, you do care.” 

  
“huh?” Benry hoisted him up, and Gordon couldn’t really help but cling to his side as he shut the door completely with the toe of his boot. He cleared his throat, trying to regain composure. 

“Darnold. It looks the-the same out there as every other day. Exactly _how_ did you come in from… that??” 

“I mean. None of us are real anyway, why does that matter? It-it’s just like… a convenient plot device.” Darnold looked away, sipping at his soda again. 

“No-no, no, I know you people I know Black Mesa probably developed some kind of-fucked up… dimensional travel soda or whatever.” 

“Dr. Freeman, that would be stupid.” Darnold deadpanned, rolling his eyes. “We only make soda and potions for practical things, like gun arms and magic.” Gordon shot him a look, rubbing at his wrist. Of course, during the whole Chuck-E-Cheese incident, his bizarre fingernail-gun thing had been swapped out with an actual prosthetic. How that Tommy’s father had managed that without him knowing was beyond him. 

“Okay, well, is there a possibility that you’re just not telling me because you think I don’t like your potions?” Darnold looked away, brows raised. “Oh my god it is.” Benry ruffled Gordon’s hair, flicking some strands into his face. 

“man you can’t talk shit about someone’s potions thats like robbing….. like stealing some shit like…. ostrich…” 

“OKAY-fucking. Okay. Darnold, I’ll admit I respect your potions… and your sodas. Potion making is… absolutely a legitimate science.” An edge bit at his voice. 

“Y-yeah! Good thing-Mr. Freeman! Or I would have punched you!” Tommy sat up again, riding Sunkist like a horse. 

“Wh-”  
  


“No! Don’t fucking punch the man! He’s ticklish, he’ll deflate!” Bubby raised a hand. 

“I’m… not ticklish, but- _please_ don’t punch me anyway-” 

“Anywho.” Darnold cleared his throat. “You wanted to know how I got here?”

  
  
“Not particularly, no!” Coomer beamed, Bubby splayed out like a blanket over his lap. 

“No-god. It’s like herding cats with you people. I would LOVE. To know how you got here, Darnold.” He clasped his hand to his chest, pleading with his eyes. 

“Okay, well, I came in through th-”

“No-NO. No. Before that. I know you came in through the door, how did you even GET to here!?”

“Wow, calm down. Obviously I was gonna get to that.” 

“Please. I hate it here.” 

“I know.”

  
  
“The T.V. only plays The Wiggles.” 

“oh shit the wiggles is on?” Benry all but shoved Gordon aside, rushing for the T.V. set. He sighed in response, rubbing at his face. 

“The Wiggles…” Darnold nodded wisely. Benry laughed loudly at the T.V. Gordon didn’t have the heart to tell him it wasn’t on. 

“Okay-well-”

  
  
“So there I was, alone in Black Mesa.” Darnold splayed his hands out, as if he were recounting his story to a bunch of kids. “The year was 2018.”

  
  
“The year was… the year was 1998…” 

“Yeah, 1998 but in 2018.” He nodded continuing without regard for any shred of continuity. “We were working- _I_ was working on a new, semi-evil flavor. I was calling it Diet Dr. Pesto.”

  
  
“ _Excuse_ me?” 

“The name isn’t important, Gordon. Try showing some respect.” 

“I-okay…” Gordon glanced away. Benry had inexplicably picked up a Wii remote. 

“So there I was, sipping (cautiously) on my brand new Diet Dr. Pesto, when a hole opened in the floor.” 

“Like… like a normal hole, or like… a magic hole?” 

“Well, obviously a magic hole. There’s plenty of normal holes in Black Mesa.” 

“my hole isnt normal.” Benry shot a glance over his shoulder. 

“... Gonna ignore that one for now.” 

“Anyway, magic hole. I fall through it, and I’m…. in this void. It’s like…… empty.”

  
  
“Most voids are, by definition, empty.” 

“Yes. Anyway, it did have a floor! So I walked for a bit, but it soon became apparent that I was being watched!” Tommy made his way to Darnold’s side, taking a sip of the soda he had left unattended. 

“Wait-okay. Tommy-so you can drink from his soda but not ours? I thought you said we had gross mouths.”

  
  
“Well-yeah, you guys do… he makes soda though…” Tommy took a long, accusatory sip from Darnold’s silly straw. Gordon blinked, covering his face. 

“Go-go ahead Dr. Darnold…” 

“So I turn around…” He continued, completely unfazed by his soda being stolen. “And there's this… rectangle. Weird rectangle. Not like the standard issue rectangles provided by Black Mesa Inc. Pretty odd, that thing. Kept blinking in and out of existence!” He put his chin in his hands, leaning on the counter. His elbows clipped through it. “And then, before I knew it, I was here! Right in front of your door. If I’m correct, I believe that the Diet Dr. Pesto had space and time altering properties.” 

“That’s-that’s the most-that’s GREAT! We could get out of here with that shit! Do you have any more?” 

“No, why would I?” 

“You-” Gordon blinked, curling onto the ground in the fetal position. “Amazing…” 


	4. Scorpy? Like from video games?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man i didnt even re read this.... remember to like and comment support me please and no one else in this whole website because im the only person who writes hlvrai fanfiction about benry talking to a snail

It had been about 2 weeks since Darnold had shown up at the Science Team’s stupid little abode. Sure, Tommy and Darnold had been getting along swimmingly, (more than swimmingly, Gordon would say. More like… backstroke-ingly. Scuba diving-ly? Whatever.) but Gordon? Gordon had been throwing a hissy fit for about the entire 2 weeks following. Of  _ course _ the one way they could get out of this stupid hellscape didn’t actually work. Of  _ course  _ the mixologist didn’t have any more soda. And of course Gordon was the only one pissed about it. Well, Benry looked kinda pouty. Benry was  _ always  _ pouty though. As he was right now, sitting on the back deck of the apartment. Patio. Fucking whatever. 

“you sucks for me? you… no…. wait … you know how… how my sucks? my socks…. feet. you got feet passports? passports and id? for those moist-feet?” Benry was talking to a snail. 

“How-how is a snail even out here… I thought we were the only things here?” Gordon stared down at Benry, holding a can of 7-Up that looked like it had been chewed on by a suspiciously large dog. 

“his name is scorpy.”   
  
“What? Who-who’s Scorpy?” 

“scorp. ee.” Benry didn’t answer, just sounded out the word again. 

“Thank you for that.” Gordon sat beside him, defeated, offering him a sip of the drink. Benry just stared Gordon down until he got uncomfortable and looked away. 

“this place sucks so much its unreal. it even fucked up the outside. look. theres no vegetables out there.” He gestured to the void outside, hitting Gordon in the face. 

“Ow. And I completely agree! Fucking thank you!” He stood up again, dropping the soda on the floor. “It’s all just-hooaahhhhh go do this shit! And-then we do it! And we’re back here! There’s no fucking-no objective!”    
  
“speak for yourself im speedrunning the…” He got distracted, trailing off and watching the snail move away again. 

“I’d much rather jump into this shitty fucking void than actually deal with this-this weird shit any longer!” 

“hey calm down.” 

“And don’t get me STARTED on that PRICK! The-the government guy! Fuck him! I mean, no offense, Tommy, but GOD!” He ranted and ranted, practically pulling his hair out. He did pull his shitty little ponytail out at one point, and kicked Scorpy off the deck into the void, much to Benry’s distress. This was only the most recent of Gordon’s famous rants. The last one ended with him tearing a cabinet door off its hinges when it hit him in the head mid-rant. Benry could usually calm him down, with either some classic Black Mesa Sweet Voice or ‘reassuring’ words, or some combination of the two. Still, he was dead set on getting pissed off, one way or another. 

“-Oh, and the food? The fucking food?” He continued. “CHUCK E. CHEESE’S PIZZA!?” He splayed his arms out, standing on the edge of the deck. 

“... whuh?” Benry glanced up at him. 

“Well. That’s it. I’m taking my chances with the void.” He stood, back facing the edge of the deck, and free-fell backwards off of it. He just… plummeted. Looking up, he saw Benry’s concerned face leaning over the edge of the patio, and it almost made him laugh to know this was the kind of shit he’d have to pull to get a reaction out of him. Gordon gave a little wave up at him from where he was falling, now unable to see Benry’s face. He continued falling downwards until the house was out of view. And so was everything else. And he wasn’t exactly sure if he was falling or.. hovering at this point. The snail was there. Of course the snail was there. And of course, there was nothing else there. 

“HELLO!” He shouted, kicking his feet out at nothing. More of something to do than actually expecting an answer. And, of course, he didn’t get one. It did echo, which implied walls. Which, to be frank, was dumb. Voids were empty. They didn’t have walls. Why would a void have walls? He huffed, crossing his arms in frustration. “Fuck the void.” He muttered, sneering like a petulant kid. Scorpy looked at him. Maybe. He wasn’t really sure how to gage where and what snails could see. Somewhere, somehow, Gordon got the sense and was sure some asshole at a 10 year old broken down laptop was typing this shit on a Google Docs, delighting at his suffering. He quickly got bored. 

“This is-OOMPH-!” He had the wind knocked out of him when he landed on something  _ solid.  _ He perked up quickly, thinking he had hit ground, but scrambled to his feet when he realized he was standing on… a hand. The only problem with the fact was that it was about as big as he was. And that he was on it. And that, conceivably, there was an arm, and a body attached to the hand. “Uhh huhhh…?” He managed, stumbling on the palm. Before long, Benry’s face came into view. Billboard sized, comparatively, but still Benry. 

“why did you do that. we were gonna play heavenly sword bro…” 

“You-creature-” Was all he managed to get out. 

“damn. harsh. baby poop.” 

“I…” He shook his head a bit. “Why’re you so big again..?” 

“easier to grasp. uh. you.”

“...”   
  
“also i think. void thing makes me get biiiiggg again.” Benry patted Gordon on his comparatively tiny head. “man why’d you do that?” 

“Ugh…” He pinched his nose. “I just-I’m fed up, man… I thought we were gonna go back to normal after everything, yeah? But like… there’s nothing! We’re just. Not even… real. Or whatever. So I guess we’re the only ‘alive’ things going on here! Except… Scorpy, I guess…” 

“yeah fucked.” Benry nodded. 

“Um… sorry. I guess…” He rubbed at his arm, watching Benry study him from above. Usually, he was so much shorter, so seeing him like this again was not exactly welcoming. Mostly from the standpoint of a guy who hates being shorter than people. 

“wanna kiss?” 

“Dude-” Gordon laughed at that, pushing his hand aside. “You jerk-I  _ just _ had a mental breakdown!” 

“no no this is just like when in. undertale. when the snake…. guy… talks about flowers and like… breeding. its just like that we have to kiss. gay love. I think.” And that was about as close as a confession as Gordon was ever going to get from… whatever Benry was. Either he had some form of brain rot, or this was how whatever alien species he was communicated their feelings. 

“Yeah, yeah, okay. One kiss.” He rolled his eyes. Acting like he wasn’t a gayass as well. 

“sweet.” Benry grinned, pulling him to his face for one almost-annoying, body sized, lightly chapped, long, somewhat nice kiss. He pulled away, looking pensive. “you taste like takis…” He whined. 

“You-shut up!” He wheezed. “Just take me back to the stupid house already!”

“yeah calm down.” He retorted, walking about 3 feet in the opposite direction before coming into view of the apartment again.    
  
“How..?”    
  
“dont worry about it.”

“But-”    
  
“dont worry. its fine.” 

“Benry-”   
  
“its fine.”

“We started in another direction-”    
  
“its fine.” 

“Ok-okay fine. Whatever…. Mr… Gamer.” Benry shot him an odd look. 

“whuh? i dont like video games.” 

“But-you! You-” Gordon spluttered, waving his hands as Benry inexplicably blipped back to average size. “You were just talking about-” 

“i hate games. i thought you knew me.”

“Put me back in the void. I changed my mind.” Benry gave him a completely indiscernible look, patting his shoulder. 

“dont worry man we…” He trailed off, looking at his foot. “were gonna get out dude i know man trust me i knew this was… you knew we were gonna do the thing… and… darnold has potions.”

  
“I appreciate it, Benry.” 

And that was about 3 seconds before the entire apartment complex exploded. 


	5. What if we exploded in the void ( and we're both boys ! ! )

To be fair, it wasn’t exactly the  _ entire  _ apartment that exploded. Just, like, most of it. Which, to be fair, still counts as the apartment exploding. It was honestly more comparable to a kid taking a lego house apart with reckless abandon. Rooms, and bits and pieces of the house were splayed across the void, leaving the incredibly distressed pair of Benry and Gordon (clinging to each other gayly) standing on the porch. The porch which was, at the moment, about 10 feet from the door they had come out from. Tommy, equally perturbed, was  _ above  _ the pair, staring down at them from a few loose floorboards. 

“Mister Freeman?” He called down, hanging his elbows off of a dangling carpet. “I think we-there…. I think we fucked up.” 

“YOU  _ THINK??? _ ” Gordon yelled back, cupping his hands around his mouth. Benry took off his helmet and sat down, wheezing, waiting for his hair textures to load in. 

“Of course he thinks that, you fucking idiot! That’s why he SAID it! Unless he’s a filthy liar!” Bubby chucked a lamp at Gordon’s head from the kitchen (now floating parallel to the porch), which missed narrowly. “You’re not, right!?” The older scientist looked to Tommy for clarification. He frowned in response. 

“Uh-oh, darn. Well…. that coulda gone better.” Darnold, who looked like he’d taken the blunt of the explosion, was standing in place, holding the remains of what looked suspiciously like a soda bottle in one hand. He coughed out a cartoonishly proportioned cloud of smoke, waving at his eyes and pulling a pair of goggles from his head. “I think I messed that potion up. That might be an evil flavor.” He seemed to be tasting some off of his finger. “Actually, I think it’s-it might just be a fucked up flavor.” 

“Is ANYONE gonna tell me WHAT’S going on!?” Gordon shouted back, splaying his arms out. 

“no.” Benry looked back up at him, his hair springing into existence. He had what some might call ‘perpetual bedhead’. ‘Some’ being a figure of speech. Everyone just called it stupid. 

“Okay-well, Benry, I wasn’t exactly asking you-” 

  
  
“its… okay i can read minds. no one uh. wants to answer you.”

  
  
“Benry you CAN’T read minds we’ve been over this before.” 

“i totally can and you know it youre just so so so jealous of me.” 

“Ok-” Gordon crossed his arms. “What am I thinking about right now.” 

“super mario secret cheat codes. how to run overwatch in super mario.” 

“NO! I’M THINKING ABOUT NO ONE TELLING ME WHAT’S GOING ON!!!” 

“isnt it crazy how we both just said the exact same… uh. exact same thing?” Benry was stroking Scorpy in his lap  à la Godfather. 

“Oh Gordon!” Coomer called, hanging onto Bubby’s arm. “I do believe I can fill you in! It appears that in experimenting with an exit, our dear, dear friend Darnold here has, and pardon my naughty language, severely fucked it up!” 

“I said sorry!” Darnold glared, pointedly. 

  
  
“No you didn’t!” Bubby had run out of things to throw at people. 

“He IMPLIED he was sorry!” Tommy leaned further off the floor/ceiling. Sunkist woofed from… somewhere. Gordon dragged a hand down his face, sighing loudly. 

“Guys…. Please….” He began wearily. “Did we learn ANYTHING from this? Like… at all?”

  
  
A few shrugs. A couple noncommittal “eh”’s. Maybe one or two “iunno”’s. 

“Oh, well, see, that’s just GREAT.” He smacked his lips.

Benry raised his hands. 

  
  
“NO. I do NOT need a calming back massage and that was the LAST time I made that mistake.” 

Benry lowered his hands. 

Gordon sat down in the loveseat (which had been flung across the porch at one point) and buried his head in his hands. 

“Well, at least I did SOMETHING.” Darnold huffed, raising an eyebrow at Gordon. 

  
  
“Something? SOMETHING?? ‘SOMETHING’ IS NOT BLOWING UP THE HOUSE!” He hollered, gesturing around. 

  
  
“Huh? No, not that. I’m referring to uhhh… whatever that is.” He pointed between his knees, down past the house and other bits of debris, to a small, almost impossible to see pinprick of light in the distant void beneath them. 

“W-wait-that’s-” It took a moment for Freeman’s brain to catch up with the current events. “THAT’S BEEN THERE? AND NO ONE THOUGHT TO TELL ME?” 

“I thought it was a fly, Dr. Freeman! Easy mistake!” Coomer waved him off. Bubby shoved him a bit, squinting down at… whatever it was. 

“Am I high, or is that shit getting closer?” 

Gordon blinked, looking back down again. It was, indeed, getting closer.    
  
“Uh? Is-is this normal?” 

  
  
“no.” 

“You still can’t read minds, you know that, right? I mean, you HAVE to know that?” 

  
  
“im getting better at it.” Gordon grunted, shoving him over (gently). 

  
“Whatever, Benry.” He spat out a hair that had blown into his face. Blown?    
“Guys? Uh, since when is there wind in here?” 

“There isn’t, dipshit.” Bubby held his arm out over the chasm, watching one sleeve of his poorly rendered coat flap about. “Well. Maybe there is a little.” 

“‘s cause we’re uh. falling.”

  
  
“Falling??” 

“falling.” 

“Like… down?” 

“yeah. down. falling like……… down.” 

“You mean like…. towards THAT thing?” Gordon pointed a finger at the ever-growing source of light below them, now taking a distinct shape. 

“What else would we be falling towards?” Darnold glanced down at him. 

“...Shit.” 

  
  
“Shit!” 

“yeah. shit.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH how i missed writing this :)


	6. Gordos!! Wakey Wakey! Eggs and Immoral Sciences!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE EXTRA LONG CHAPTER! GOT CARRIED AWAY

“Go fish!”

  
  
“What the FUCK do you mean, ‘go fish’!” 

“it means you fucked up, idiot.”

“Well, I quit!” Bubby threw his cards to the floor, crossing his arms. 

“You can’t quit! The… there’s more game to be played! :(” Tommy shot him a look. 

“Cheaters. All of you!” He pulled his glasses off and pinched the bridge of the nose, giving everyone a good look at his fully eyeless face. Not in the sense that he _had_ eyes, and they were now gone, but more like there was just a flat plane under his glasses where his eyes should be. To be fair, the first time he’d done that it almost resulted in Gordon having a fatal case of cardiac arrest. 

Speaking of Gordon, the poor guy was currently dangling his feet off a particularly precariously positioned plank of plywood (fuck yes I got my alliteration in for today). He had been muttering to himself, twiddling with the knee joint of his H.E.V. suit. 

“yo im leaving.” Benry perked up, glancing over at Gordon. He tossed his cards to Sunkist. “deal him in.” 

“Benry, you idiot, he’s a dog.”   
  


“and?” 

“Obviously he’s smarter than all of us, this isn’t fair!” 

“myuhhh nuhh nuhhh bwuhhhh bwuhhh nyuhhh” He stuck his tongue out, turning on his heels and dropping off the edge of the living room. 

A few seconds later, he popped up through the floor next to Gordon, slapping him on the back. “hey. you look sad. do you want me to read you the story i wrote about what would happen if everyone in zootopia was humans?” 

“Benry I can’t stress enough how much I don’t want that.” 

“but if i do that youre gonna stop being sad.”

“You’re right. I’ll stop being sad and START feeling irreparable anger.” 

“watcha thinkin about then.” 

“Hole.” 

Benry made a face. 

“ _THAT_ hole _._ ” Gordon elaborated, pointing at the aforementioned wormhole beneath them. “We haven’t been moving towards it like, at ALL. I think we’re stuck or something.” 

“i could probly get big and like wiggle the house. maybe it got stuck to something.” 

Gordon let out a long sigh, patting Benry’s shoulder. 

“Maybe later.” 

“uh. yes.” Benry frowned, confused, then put a hand on Gordon’s forehead. 

“Hey? Bud? What are you doing?”

  
  
“comforting you. its working i can feel it working.” 

“Yeah? How’s it feel?” He snorted. 

“round.”

  
  
“Round?”

  
  
“round.” He blasted Gordon with a round of Sweet Voice again, cackling when he spluttered and tried to wipe it away. 

“Eugh-cut that out!” He smacked Benry in the face, frowning when his hand just phased through it. 

“awwww baby gordie little smacky hands…you look just like the eraserhead baby” He grabbed onto Gordon’s hand, poking at his fingers and eventually just grabbing onto it

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re the least normal person on the planet?” 

“Huh?” Benry lowered Gordon’s hand away from his open mouth.

Gordon sighed, letting him do whatever it was he was doing.   
“Man I just-can’t help but feel like it’s waiting for something, right? Like, that’s not just me?” 

“no youre right.” 

“... Huh?” 

“yeah it wants you to juhhh… jump in there.”   
  


“Wh-ME?” 

“yeah its mh…. hold on.” With that, he blinked out of sight, leaving a very confused Gordon to mull it over. 

“... What?” 

\---

“Okay-okay. Never have I ever… tried crawling inside of someone’s arm and wearing them like a puppet.” Gordon pointedly glanced at Coomer. 

“Oh, you’ve got me there, you Rapscallion!” He sheepishly curled in a finger, almost stealthily growing another finger on the opposite end of his hand. Yet another feature of his Extendo-Arms, Gordon presumed. 

“Never have I ever….” Darnold began, tapping at his chin. “Uhhh… died.” Almost the entire circle of scientists curled in a finger, all wagging their remaining ones at Darnold. 

“Has… anyone seen Benry?” Gordon cut in, folding his hands back in his lap. Bubby muttered something that sounded like ‘quitter’ under his breath. 

“No… have you checked in the fridge?” Tommy lifted a hand off of Sunkist’s head. 

“The-? No, Tommy, I haven’t checked the fridge.” 

“Mr. Freeman, I think you should check the-the fridge.” 

“Tommy, no disrespect, but why the FUCK would I check the fridge.” 

“Ah, the Fridge! Our good friend Barney’s dearest hideout!” Coomer beamed. 

Gordon squinted.   
“You’re fucking with me.” 

“Dr. Freeman, to be honest, I did notice some of my sodas missing from the kitchen today.” 

“Darnold, that could have been LITERALLY anyone here!” 

“Your shapeshifting boyfriend is the only one who can REACH where I put my things, _Gordon_.” 

“THE-” He spluttered, standing up. “You know what? I AM gonna go check the fridge. But NOT because YOU GUYS told me to. Because I FELT like it!” He stormed off. 

“The ibuprofen is on the top left shelf.”

  
  
“THANK YOU!” 

  
Gordon made his way to the kitchen, having to climb over couches, and hoist himself up onto the tiled floor. He sighed, rolling his eyes, before crossing over to the fridge and pulling it open. 

Lo and behold, Benry was curled inside the fridge, holding an open bottle of ketchup above his mouth. He froze when he took in the open door. “oh. sup.”

“At this point I really don’t even think I should be concerned. Are you cold? Is-is this okay? Is this normal?” 

“normal is just a setting on my microwave.”

“Benry you BROKE the microwave, you don’t have one.” 

“...huh?” 

“Kay. Okay.” He pulled Benry out of the fridge by his collar, not unlike what would be done to an unruly kitten. “Where HAVE you been?” 

He shook his head a bit, clumps of frost flying from his helmet. “told you. checkin shit. you uh… have to go in the hole. it said that.” 

“I…”

  
  
“its not like a hole. hole. its like a swimming pool.” 

“Thank you. I don’t understand even in the slightest.” 

“swimming pool with um… those big…. sheets on top. except theres a gordon shape hole in the middle. anyone else jump in its just WOMPGH. gotta be you dude.” 

“Um. How do you know this?” 

“Hole told me.” He shrank a bit. Not metaphorically. He didn’t curl up, he literally decreased in height. 

“The… hole? Told you.” 

“s like emails. but in my head.” 

“I see.” Gordon didn’t see. 

“So I’m… gonna jump down there I guess? Then-then pull you guys out.”

  
  
“wait gordon.” Benry perked up, finally letting Gordon drop him to the floor. 

“Huh? Yeah?” _Finally,_ Gordon thought. _Benry’s going to express genuine emotion and care towards my wellbeing._

“make sure nothing bad happens to your feet. i need them to stay normal.”   
  
“... “   
  
“need them in prime condition. twitch prime.” 

“Well at least you care about at least one part of me.” 

“dont worry your face is okay too.” He leaned in for a kiss, then blipped out of sight. 

“Uh.” He touched his face, squinting. “Okay Gordon.”

  
  
“You’re going to jump into a large pit.”

“In a void. Maybe I should have told everyone else..?”

  
“... Benry can tell them. I can definitely rely on Benry communicating normally with people.” He crawled his way, apprehensively, to the edge of the floor. “See how normal that is? Coomer would… he would say it’s normal.” 

“I have a P.H.D. I should know better than this. To be fair, though, this place kind of sucks. No one does dishes. We don’t even use dishes anymore.”

  
  
“Yep. Okay. I guess I’m doing this then. If I die I should have some cool last words. Uhm….” 

“Poggers.” He blinked down at the hole beneath him. “That’s horrible. I’m going to die and I never even watched a single Pokemon movie.” He stood, tapping his toes against the edge. 

“Uhm…. kay. Man this sure was easier when I was pissed off.” 

He took in a breath, turning around and falling backwards from the ledge. As his hair whipped at his face and got stuck between his teeth, he had a sudden thought. 

_I left my ramen noodle cup in the microwave._

_“FUCK!!!”_ He quickly bolted up… in a swivel chair. He furrowed his brows, going to stand, soon realizing the vertigo and the pounding headache he felt wouldn't allow that. He grunted, noting that his rear may as well have been glued to the chair. There was an indent where he’d been sitting that looked like it had taken years to break in. As he pawed at his head, he felt a thick wire protruding from the nape of his neck. He tugged at it with a sharp prick, and it fell out. 

“Urnnghh… herrloo..??” His tongue flapped uselessly, and that’s when he realized something he should have earlier. He _had_ a tongue. He smacked his lips a few times, almost disgusted by the sensation. “Whabt dea fuckg….” Shaking his head, Gordon pressed a hand to his forehead. Another revelation. Today was simply ripe with them. There were fingers sprouting from his palm. To the average person, these things may not seem too out of the ordinary. However, when you’re a poorly rendered video game character… 

“WABG THE FUGCK..!” He shook his hand out, scrambling back in his chair. He sat up now, well alert. It felt as though he’d been asleep for quite a while, and his brain was a bit foggy. 

_Alright, Freeman. Surroundings check._ He blinked, doing a quick scan of the room. It was small. Unusually small. It looked as though someone had crammed the functions of an entire house into one room. There was a computer in front of him, and a few other electronic devices spread across the tiny desk. Including a cellphone, a Nintendo DS, a VR headset, and a Furby, for god knows what reason. He cringed. Gross. Behind him, there was a bed. No bed frame, just what appeared to be a spruced up mattress sitting on the floor. Next to said mattress, was a toilet. Not a bathroom, just a toilet and a sink. 

“Narsty…” He grunted, raising an eyebrow. He scooted back over to the desk, noting the pins and needles shooting up his legs. There was… a note. It looked like it had been typed up with a fax machine. Most likely the one sitting in the corner beside a 2-dimensional cardboard fridge. He reached out for the note, shaking his head when he realized the hand he was reaching with wasn’t there. No prosthetic, as he had had attached earlier. Just a stump ending right after his elbow. Gordon frowned, reaching over with his left hand instead. He began to skim through the contents of the paper. 

_Dear Gordon. Kind of. We can’t address this to who you REALLY are right now, considering how long that would be and how little paper we want to use. You know, the environment._

_If you’re reading this, congrats! It means either you made it out on your own, or one of our interns found a way to get you out. Probably the first. Interns are useless. Always pecking at the floor, eating seeds, and shedding feathers everywhere. A nuisance, really. Anywho. I’m sure you’re wondering about the body you’re inhabiting right now! Especially considering you’ve never been outside of a computer screen before. I think we should make it clear that no one died. You’re not inhabiting a dead body. Clear that one out real quick. We kind of have to specify that, to avoid lawsuits. Long story short, Black Mesa kind of made you for a reason. I know what you’re thinking. Okay, well, I don’t know EXACTLY what you’re thinking. But I can make an educated guess. ‘Huh? Black Mesa ISN’T a fictional science facility existing only in the confines of a video game?’ Actually, I hope you’re thinking that. Or else I just spoiled that you’re not real and you live in a game._

Thank goodness for Dr. Coomer’s powers of observation. 

_Anyway, uh… stop having a panic attack if I did spoil that for you. The point is, Black Mesa kind of has been researching AIs. Like you! The whole point of what we’ve been doing is to see if we can actually program a person. That’s where the homunculus you’re sitting in right now comes into play! We’ve been running this guy through all your adventures, plugged him right into virtual reality and fed him all the information he needs. The whole ‘missing arm’ thing was a WHOLE incident with the blender. We’re not allowed to put sharp objects in the information acclimation centers anymore. He basically has nothing going on inside his head except for what’s been going on inside yours. But…. we lost funding. Funny story, no one really wants to pour money into a program that makes video games into human people. I know, right? But no one really WANTED to get rid of the program. So we just shut all the bodies (not really bodies, again, you CAN’T take legal action against us for this) into little areas disconnected from Black Mesa, let the AI programs run on their own, and hoped for the best. So, yeah! Um, I think that about sums it up. By the way, if you wake up and have any sort of magical powers, do us a favor and arrest yourself for us. We’re not really allowed to have any sort of property that can teleport or fly or magic things after what happened in ‘98. So, you’re about up to speed now, I suppose! Black Mesa doesn’t really have any authority over you anymore so…. enjoy being alive? I guess?_

~~_Love,_ ~~ _Respectfully,_

_Unnamed Black Mesa Employee_

Gordon frowned, looking the note over again. He flipped it over, taking note of a drawing of what looked to be himself and… someone in a lab coat holding hands, surrounded by little hearts. Hm. He was filing that away for later. He was about to go back to studying his surroundings, when a loud whirring noise startled him from his thoughts. 

“Bwuhg??”   
  
“yo.” 

He squinted.   
“Benry?” His eyes glanced around the room. “Is-where are you?” 

“down here bro. look at the desk.” 

Gordon slowly lowered his eyes to the desk, to what he hoped to GOD wasn’t speaking to him right now. 

“Please tell me that’s not you.” 

The little Furby, he realized now which was plugged into the laptop, creaked open its mouth again. 

“oh shit! it’s me.” 

“I’m torn between wanting to hug you and crack you open like an egg.” 

“first one? please?” 

“Where’s… augh…” His head throbbed again. “Where’s everyone else?” 

“yo why are you a twink.” Benry ignored him.

“I’M-!” He looked agog, staring down at himself. “I’m OBVIOUSLY a twunk! How do you know that word! Did Bubby tell you that!?” 

“bwuh bwu wbuhhhh…”

Gordon thought he might just cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UMMM so yeah... safe to say the first few chapters were NOT my best writing so im glad this one is up to my standards


	7. Oh, hello again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh it's been a while! I know this isn't the best fic I've ever written, I did however just get inspired to pick this one up again.

So, Gordon-not-Gordon was hunched over a desk covered in what was likely 30 years worth of chip bags (Fritos, Doritos, Carrot sticks, and soap), head in his hands, talking to a Furby. 

“You’re really not fucking with me. Benry, you’re not doing this on purpose?” 

“i forgot who you were again.” 

“Okay, this sucks. Hey, why’s it feel like it’s been several months since this conversation started? Almost like we were characters in a piece of writing that the writer’s been procrastinating for-” 

_ WHIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR _ -

“I’m not turning around. I refuse to see what it is that’s making that noise.” 

“brrr!! brrrbrbbr open that fax, fax boy!!” 

“Wh- _ fax? _ No one uses fax machines, we're not… old.. men.” He furrowed his brows, as if realizing something, then spun to behind him in the swivel chair. He grabbed the paper the machine had spat out, scanning it. The interest on his face quickly changed to exhaustion. 

_ WHERE AM I FUCKFACE!??!?!??!?!?!?! _

“Hello, Bubby.” He sighed, newly sprouted fingers itching to unplug the machine. 

_ Hello, Gorodejwiq098-0e9- t97t0921974-912=0592= 59 5=92t= 1=t9u12 _

“Hi, Mr. Coomer. You’re in there too?” 

_ Ghh 99 4u! 98 mmm l lkkh  _

“Glad to hear it, buddy.” He stood up, albeit shakily, crossing his way to a ‘window’. It had a smiley sun painted on it, and the clouds had sheep faces. “I hate interior decoration. This place sucks.” 

“yeah its like what they said in that movie about the-” 

“Benry, so help me god, if you mention the Smurfs movie again I will upload you into a hard drive and plug you into a Chromebook.” 

Silence. (Blessed) silence. 

  
  


“Glad we could reach an understanding.” He began to pick at the paint, realizing quickly that he absolutely needed a manicure. 

“Why don’t you just… use the door?” 

“THANK you Darn-uh. Darnold? Wait, where is he. Jesus christ-this is like a demeted ‘Where’s Waldo’…” He squinted at the toaster. “Darnold….?” 

“No, Dr. Freeman. I’m trapped in this accursed cellphone.” The one on the desk. Not that one. No. Nope. Nuh uh, not that one either. Yeah, that one. The Nokia. “I can see nothing, and judging by what I’ve overheard, I don’t believe I want to!” 

“I love you, man. Seriously. You have been nothing but helpful. Endlessly. Genuinely.” 

“If only those  _ scientists _ at YALE thought the same…” There was scorn in his voice. “And  _ they _ say that turning hamsters into Sprite cans isn’t REAL science.” 

“Is it?”

“It is. I promise.” 

“Thank you Darnold. Very educational stuff tonight.”

_ YOU IDIOT. THE DOOR. GO THROUGH IT. IDIOT. DUMMY. Sdsjg lksd m l4994 99 0 !!! _

Gordon loved his friends.

“Okay, door time. Go Gordon. You can do it.” He didn’t have to turn around to know the fax he’d just received read ‘NO YOU CAN’T’. He pulled the door open. And…

“You know, I’m getting really tired of the whole ‘being in a floating house’ thing. Really. Let’s try something original. Anything else. Shake it up a bit.” 

The aforementioned house was dangling from a series of cables and pulleys, surrounded by an almost INFINITE complex of other ‘houses’. Really, from the outside, they looked more like cubes. Cubes with doors. The grid went on for as far as Gordon could see, even when he squinted really hard. Like, REALLY hard. 

“dude you look like youre gonna shit. you should do it. might make up for the passport thing. take those jellyworms out of your bod.” 

“Okay. You’re coming with me.”

“wai-uh-huh?” He stammered, plastic beak clicking in time with the idiotic statements. Gordon grabbed Benry-uh. Furby… Furbenry. That guy. 

“Darnold? If uh. Tommy shows up. Can you tell him where I am? I don’t want a repeat of that whole lasagna incident.” 

“Thumbs up, Dr. Freeman! I don’t have thumbs. It’s fine.” 

Gordon climbed out the door, clinging to what appeared to be a maintenance ladder between this and a conjoined house. 

“climbing around like a little bitty mmmm. one of those small guys… that’s what you are.” Benry added helpfully.

“Thanks Benry.” Gordon, holding onto the upper rung, began his decline.

“put you in a tank. water maybe. some grime n stuff… dogs or whatever.”

“Mhm.” 

“rice there too. sooo many rice. maybe 3. maybe 4. the…. rices crispys.”

“Yep.” 

“G.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“Buh.” 

It was going to be a VERY, very long climb. 

**Author's Note:**

> Damn Benry next time leave the fucken birds ALONE. Edit: I'M SO SORRY I KEEP EDITING THINGS I swear at one point I'm gonna be satisfied with how this fic looks  
> Edit 2: i am @fuhreeman on tumblr!!!  
> Edit 3: good lord i am a creature of habit. i just have realized that ive ended EVERY chapter on a cliffhanger i am so sorry i am absolutely NOT a writer ;__;


End file.
